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Post by kegisak on Dec 6, 2014 0:12:44 GMT
To be fair, it's done well enough for itself so from a certain perspective it was a good idea. Just a good idea for terrible viewers.
Good to know Geordie isn't insulting, at least. Frankly I'm not sure if it's a wholly appropriate name, but I suppose Swallows aren't really associated with any one place. I actually chose it because I've been watching a Christmas show with an elf named Geordie in it, and Swallows are Tannenbaum's elf equivalent - they bring Tannenbaum little odds and ends and tell him jokes, and he puts those into the crackers he makes.
The Hearth's Warming speech is actually a good idea... it'd provide a little bit of a down moment and be able to kind of 'sum up' some stuff. I was planning on having a scene where Pip and Diamond Tiara wind up ducking into a store of some sort to escape the cold for a while, and they could hear the speech over a radio, or something. Hmm. Though I haven't given a specific date for the story, but am kinda implying it happens a week or so prior to Hearth's Warming, so the timing might not be good... well, she could certainly provide a seasonal address, at least. Maybe something about how it's supposed to get cold and ponies should be careful, or something, and she adds a bit of seasonal well-wishing in with that. Since Celestia is more President than Queen, for the sake of drawing parallels she might not give a proper Hearth's Warming address so much as general season's greetings.
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Post by Applelight Limited on Dec 6, 2014 0:22:01 GMT
Swallows as elf stand ins. That's clever.
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Post by kegisak on Dec 6, 2014 1:24:03 GMT
MHmm. Though that one is much more esoteric, having not yet appeared in any of my stories, I'm making a note of dropping hints around that the stallion they meet a few times is Tannenbaum, who is in turn Nyx, the king of Furheim. Sparrows are symbolic of hope, and hope, as well as dreams(Hence his friendship with Luna) is Nyx's major domain.
In his second appearance he mentions that he doesn't know how he feels about 'forced goodwill to everyone', claiming that "In hisch day, Hearth' warmink wasch about shakink up with' ze zree wurscht baschtardsch in hischtory, unt haffink a goot time anyway", as a callback to my previous Christmas story, where the Story of Tannenbaum recounts him spending three months in a longhouse with a representative of each tribe(Who in Furheim still hated one another), refusing to take off his cloak as he knows that no tribe would risk sending away one of their own. As a result all four get stuck together for three months, and manage to overcome their differences.
He's also drinking Sherry at the time, of course. Been reading up on more english traditions, and had recently learned that Sherry or Brandy were more traditional in england(And whiskey in Scotland or Ireland). Dude's got a hell of a constitution to handle all that; he just gets milk over here.
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Post by kegisak on Dec 8, 2014 11:08:56 GMT
Well, I'm feeling ab it better about my progress this week. Got about two times as much this week as the last... though they've still only JUST gotten lost. I think I have a good progression planned out, though: They're gonna try and find a police station/guardhouse, get ambushed by some older kids and get into a snowball fight,and duck into a department store for a while before getting shooed out by somepony for making a mess with some shenanigans. On the way they'll probably stop by a few shops... maybe. Pip is pretty low where I've just written, so I'm not sure if he'll still be feeling it for the crackers. Him giving up might serve as a good story beat. Anyhow, for those interested here's what I've got of the story so far: Pipsqueak Plod and the Quest For CrackersBear in mind, it's currently VERY unedited, so there's gonna be a lot of typos and some stuff that doesn't flow very well. And it's also quite long. Shaping up to be a VERY long story... though frankly I think it's full enough at this point that if I needed I could trim some of the being lost stuff down... even though that was the whole point of it. Eh, I dunno. There's been plenty of solo christmas adventure, even if they weren't technically 'lost' at that point. Anyhow. It's not yet finished, so just bear that in mind for anyone who wanted to see the whole thing.
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Post by Applelight Limited on Dec 13, 2014 9:39:24 GMT
I see you're up to 40 something pages already kegisak. That sounds like good progress!
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Post by kegisak on Dec 13, 2014 10:53:26 GMT
About 30K words at the moment. Getting very close to the ending; I'll probably hit 33-35K by the time it's done.
Speaking of... for context, I'm at the big emotional climax of the story right now, and Pip and Diamond Tiara are having a fight... I kinda want Pip to call Diamond Tiara a really nasty name/swear, but I'm not sure how to scale it, precisely. How severe/realistic for a kid of around 9 or 10 to know is 'Bint'? It seems like the UK equivalent of 'Bitch' to me, but I'm not sure offhand.
I may just throw out the idea, I dunno. I've painted Pip as having a pretty serious issue with things as minor as lying even when it would help him, so having him use something too nasty is a no-g. At the same time, I feel like it'd really underline how angry he is when he says it.
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Post by Applelight Limited on Dec 13, 2014 20:34:51 GMT
It would be pretty severe for a little kid to know and/or use that word, if that helps you make up your mind.
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Post by kegisak on Dec 14, 2014 0:41:54 GMT
Mmmm... fair enough, thanks. I'll mull it over a bit. Kinda torn between the idea that anything is kinda more severe for Pip because of what he's like, and just how much of an emphasis it is.
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Post by kegisak on Dec 14, 2014 11:41:29 GMT
Hah hah! And the first draft is finally complete! All that's left to do is edit a 37K 'short story'... well, I've got enough time for that, heh.
The ending will probably take a bit of work. There's some stuff in there I mostly put because it was planned, whether or not it really fits, so there's some fat-trimming to do. Plus I want to make sure everything feels tight to the theme... well, like I said, plenty of time. OVerall I feel good about it, especially Pip and Diamond Tiara's relationship. They were a lot of fun to write together.
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Post by japaneseteeth on Dec 14, 2014 17:57:13 GMT
I'd look it over, but I'm not sure I have time. That's... long.
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Post by Applelight Limited on Dec 14, 2014 21:09:53 GMT
It might take me a while but I'll read this kegisak. Call it a thank you for working on and posting it here.
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Post by Mezzaphor on Dec 17, 2014 4:30:28 GMT
Left a bunch of minor edits. I didn't really have any comments on big-picture stuff.
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Post by kegisak on Dec 18, 2014 2:18:32 GMT
So I saw! I appreciate it, thank you.
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Post by japaneseteeth on Dec 18, 2014 3:29:04 GMT
I left a few comments on the first few scenes. I'll get to the other bits soon, hopefully.
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Post by Applelight Limited on Dec 18, 2014 20:57:08 GMT
I'm ten pages in. I left some comments too.
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